019 | This is My Obligatory Emo Post... It's a One Time Deal (Hopefully) | Voice Post

[yeah_i_can_fly]

[Private | Unhackable]

I am such an idiot. Look it up in the dictionary, the encyclopedia, the world wide internet--that's what you'll find wherever you look: Tony Stark is an idiot. No, not just an idiot. A stupid bastard of an idiot. Yeah, a bastard. That's what I am.

Sorry, Father... Mother...

But it's the truth. I can't... I can't believe... what I did. Last night... I'm so sorry... How did...? Why...? I'm so stupid.

[a sigh and a long pause]

I'm nothing. He was right--the man with everything, and yet nothing.

[/Private | Screened to Pepper | Unhackable]

Pepper... [softly, because he chokes up on a sob] I'm sorry...

[/Screened]

Comments

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

...

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

[very long pause]

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

I'm...going to need some time...Mr. St- Tony.

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

I... I know. I mean... I understand.

[pause]

I mean it, Pepper. I'm sorry. I--

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

I forgive you Si- Tony.

I know it wasn't you... it was the alcohol.

[Sigh.]

Maybe you can learn something from this?

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

But-- I mean, yes, but... I'm such an idiot for ever... ever doing anything... anything to hurt you. I shouldn't have... . I...

[sigh, slight pause]

...Was it really just the alcohol?

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

I was a model, Tony, and I've been to bars and clubs with my friends...

It's not like this has never happened before..
...I just didn't expect it from you.

[Firmly.] It was Tony. You would never hurt me, or anyone else you care about who needs protection. You risked your life to protect people in Gulmirra who couldn't...you stopped someone who wanted to use something you created to hurt others...

Just... don't do it like this again...please? Don't fly away just to escape...from me.

I- I don't want to lose you again, Tony.

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

[silence, he's obviously processing all of her words at once]



You sound so sure, but why do I doubt? I want to believe that, Pepper, , but sometimes I wonder... I wonder why I screwed up my life.

I thought I was doing okay...! I made sure to watch the cuffs reactions! But I'm so stupid, Pepper! I thought it was complacent... I thought it didn't mind that one thing... and I flew right into a brick wall. That's what it felt like anyway... well, if I wasn't in the suit. I can go through brick walls in the suit. Shit, I'm ranting. I guess that goes to show how much I can't think right now... about the, the right thing...

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

[Patiently:]

You didn't...M- Tony it doesn't work like that. Stop feeling so sorry for yourself...it's not like you're the first person to make mistakes in their life. You've learned haven't you? You've changed...

No one can say that you haven't.

You're not supposed to be thinking, Mr. Stark...Tony. You're supposed to be resting.

People hurt each other, Tony...it's just the way the world works. That's why... [Pause.] That's why you have people who care about you friends. To forgive you when you screw up, and help you get up when you fall...from the sky

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

It doesn't feel that way.

You know me better than anyone, Pepper. You know I can't turn off my mind. It doesn't work that way for me. I can't--I can't rest, I can't stop thinking. About you.

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

You have changed...really...I know it. Don't ask me how...I just do.

I...know, Tony. Do you want me to get you some sleeping pills? No more alcohol.

...I don't know, Tony. I don't know what I am to you anymore...I don't know what you are to me.

You said you didn't want a 'babysitter' anymore.

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

Would that be safe?



...I know.

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

After one of the doctors or healers checks you out... I'm sorry I couldn't do more myself...I'm just a beginner.

...[Uncomfortable silence.]

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

Okay.

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what to call it...it's something Brother Mhelno taught me. I'm not very good at it yet. I would call it magic...but it feels more like...like...have you heard of Chi? Of tapping one's inner energy? I think it's more like that than anything...

...I...used my energy to heal your body.

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

[silence; he's trying not to say something silly]

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

[Biting her lower lip.]

What are you thinking, Tony Stark?

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

[grinning]

Oh, you know. Just the usual.

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

[Rolls eyes.]

Of course.

[Feigns disgust.] It's like a used tissue... I don't want it back now that you've gotten your boogers all over it.

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

[laughs] Oh, well then! Great! I'll just hang it over the mantle then. You know, like a trophy...

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

[Smirks.]

Why not? ...since you're already pulling things out of your... [Cuts off suddenly, blushing.]

I think...I better go and get some sleep, Mr. Stark.

[She doesn't seem to notice she's used her old title for him.]

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

I tend to do that, yes?

Oh, well then. Good night sleep, Pepper.

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

Especially when you're still drunk.

Good night Mr-. Sleep well, Tony.

[yeah-i-can-fly.livejournal.com]

I... think I've sobered by now, Pepper. Tends to happen when you have a near-death experience, trust me.

But if you insist, I can always request you sing me a lullaby. Since that's, you know, off the wall. Would you, sweetie?

[needs-a-raise.livejournal.com]

... [Long, horrified, silence.]

...You could if I still worked for you, Tony.

Good night.

[Clicks off.]